(C) Fedorov "Chasm" Vladimir
(C) Music D.J. Music
Hello everyone! Well, the time has come to have some fun. This time you can expect new tests and a lot of different jokes. By the way, you, our esteemed readers, have an ambiguous attitude towards my section - some love it to madness, while others find it nauseating. In a small sociological study conducted by Condor soft regarding our magazine, the section "Fun" made it to both the top five best and the top five worst sections. Yes... But I won't be upset; if people have their opinions about my work, it means they are still reading this section, so let's promptly move on to the jokes.
To start, I present to you an article dedicated to computer slang.
(C) Vladislav Voshchenikin
╔──────────══════════════════───────────╗
│ ┌───── USER TERMINOLOGY ─────┐ │
╠═══┤ or ├─═══╣
│ └ MODERN SPOKEN LANGUAGE ┘ │
╚─────════════════════════════════──────╝
Modern Russian, or rather its computerized version, resembles little the great and mighty language sung by Nekrasov, Tolstoy, and Yesenin. Now it resembles more of a Russified English: user, game (игра), software. Any non-computerized man, that is, ugh, person, is unlikely to understand the phrase "to uncalculate the game" after the first five tries. This resembles a term I saw in an economics textbook: "depreciation limit for renovation" (?!!)
But even traditionally Russian words, when used by computer specialists, acquire, I would say, even a sinister meaning. For example, I was riding in a trolleybus in Yaroslavl with a university friend who was selling his 386 for parts. He said, "I got rid of the three in parts, but at home, there's still a glitchy motherboard and a dead keyboard..." A police officer standing nearby demanded to see a release certificate and asked where the house was... Can you imagine? And the conversation was about quite harmless keyboard and motherboard, for which, as far as I know, they don't put people in jail yet...
ADV: In the Rybinsk transport, you can hear even worse. For example, a conversation between two PC users:
- What car do you have now?
- A four, I recently upgraded the three. The other day I popped out of the windows, and the axis crashed, and I was in a down.
- And I found out my motherboard was crooked. I was banging it all night yesterday - it just didn't want to get up, and by morning, it died. Now I'll have to sell my brains.
Hearing such conversations, the surrounding pensioners start throwing strange looks and move away...
...As they say, necessity is the mother of invention, and alcohol is even more cunning. Trying to veil, somehow: planning the upcoming... uh... introduction of alcoholic liquids inside, three gentlemen from Rybinsk (I won't name names to avoid compromising honest people) came up with a system of encrypted information transmission using computer terms. Here’s their approximate dialogue:
- Let's take two files and launch them from address 12500.
- Isn't two too few?
- What, do you need a buffer overflow?
- And what will we use to protect it?
- With bread, cheese, and epylas...
- Exactly, and to wash it down - "Invite"...
- Yeah, keep it down, or they'll format me...
I hope the meaning of what was said doesn't need translation. I’ll add that files weren’t counted back then due to a lack of money, that is, ugh, sources...
Overall, all this reminds me of the story with the Norwegian language: earlier Norwegians spoke Old Norse, which was also understood by Danes and Swedes. The Norwegians didn't like this and invented a language that Danes and Swedes don't understand... The complexity of this language lies in the fact that even the Norwegians themselves don't understand it...
And in general, many expressions have entered our minds so firmly that every time, for example, the word "AMIGA" is pronounced, from the depths of the subconscious, naturally, "RULEZ" crawls out into the light. And the beloved word "glitch" by everyone who has any relation to computers? From personal experience, I can confidently say that this word is used in areas very far from computers (for example, I personally call tasteless soup "glitchy"). And does anyone know for sure where it came from in our everyday language? Someone said it comes from some English abbreviation, although it seems to me more likely a derivative of the word "hallucination"...
But we got sidetracked. If the word "glitch" has gone into non-computer spheres, then truly "glitchy" things are called "stale," "ragged," "square," and "wooden"!
And where have you seen a self-respecting programmer call a program a program, and a computer a computer? Never! He will say "proga" and "comp" (for example, currently serving in the Kantemirovskaya division FLEX SOFTWARE...). Even the fruit of Mr. Zonov's brilliant thought, the well-known "SCORPION," is simply called "Scorp," apparently by analogy with a well-known rock band (by the way, rulez)...
So let us, people, speak in new user language, and let the police not understand us, let's implement this language into the masses, and I hope it will take its rightful place alongside Russian, English, Latin, and Esperanto.
On this high note, allow me to say "GOOD BYE," that is, ugh, "GAME OVER"... Oh, I mean again ugh, do swidania
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Hey! It's me again - Chasm! Let's continue to have fun...
WARNING! ATTENTION! ATTENTION!
════════════════════════════════
Some profanity is used
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ADV: The further part of "Fun" is not recommended for women, children under 16, and sober people to avoid misunderstanding a number of jokes.
Contents of the publication: Adventurer #06
- Presentation
This is an introduction novel for the game Return to Home 4, featuring space battles and a narrative about pilot Raifus navigating challenges in a military context.
- Presentation
The article presents K.KAV software's new game 'DEATH WORLDS: TORISTAG INVADERS RETURN TO HOME 5', a real-time strategy continuation of 'RTHЧ'. Players will battle against competitors on resource-rich planets while managing technology and military forces. The game's projected release is between late spring and summer of 1997.
- System Software Updates for ZX Spectrum - Котов А.В.
The article reviews various software updates and utilities for ZX Spectrum, highlighting their features, usability, and performance. It provides insight into programming tools, disk management, and database applications. The tone blends critique and personal experience to inform readers about the latest developments in Spectrum software.
- Overview of ZX Spectrum Software
The article provides a comprehensive overview of new software for ZX Spectrum, highlighting various games, their features, and recommendations for players.
- Interface
Discussion of the ZX Spectrum's interface issues and user frustrations with compatibility and modern enhancements. The author critiques the push for users to modify their machines for non-standard features and expresses dissatisfaction with current trends. Reflection on the future of the ZX Spectrum and the need for a more vibrant community involvement.
- Interface
The article discusses feedback from readers regarding games and programming tools for ZX Spectrum. It includes cheat codes for a game, opinions on assemblers, and insights into user preferences for computing. Various reader inquiries about games and software are also addressed.
- Interface
The article discusses issues surrounding the OVER FILE GROUP, a game developer known for mail-order sales, and the impact on user trust in software distribution. It also raises the question of whether to transition the magazine to 128K ONLY, seeking reader feedback. The piece reflects on the importance of user support for maintaining a trusted gaming community.
- Interface
The article discusses recent news in the ZX Spectrum community, including game development updates, personal news about developers, and local happenings in the Rybinsk and Yaroslavl areas.
- Presentation
The article presents new software releases by SURDAKAR GROUP, including a demo of ROAD FIGHTER and updates on FONT EDITOR and RAY DISK MONITOR.
- Promotion of Adventure Games
The article provides a detailed analysis of the adventure games 'APOLLO' and 'ЧУЖОЙ', evaluating their gameplay, challenges, and shortcomings in design.
- Ottyag
Discussion of computer slang and its impact on modern language, highlighting humorous interactions among users.
- Оттяг
The article presents a humorous collection of absurd lists, including reasons for dinosaur extinction, alternative names for Robinson Crusoe's Friday, and more.
- Ottyag
The article presents a test for aspiring demo makers, assessing their skills and commitment to demo creation on the ZX Spectrum. It evaluates their approaches to music, graphics, effects, and their overall engagement with the demo scene. Results determine their standing from novice to expert in the demoscene community.
- What Not to Say or Do When Drunk
The article provides humorous advice on what to avoid saying or doing when drunk, based on personal anecdotes. It emphasizes the consequences of poor decisions and offers cautionary tips. The content is lighthearted and reflects on typical drunken behaviors and their repercussions.
- Friendship Quiz
The article presents a humorous quiz about friendship, evaluating how friends would react in various social scenarios, culminating in a scoring system to assess the depth of one’s friendships.
- Ottag
Статья представляет собой сборник китайских пословиц с юмористическим подтекстом, отражающих различные аспекты жизни и отношений. Она сочетает в себе элементы сатиры и легкого фольклора, используя ироничные наблюдения о человеческом поведении. Текст включает в себя аллюзии на сексуальность, настольные игры и религиозные вопросы.
- Оттяг
Статья представляет собой пародийное евангелие, где события жизни Иисуса Христа изображаются в неформальном и юмористическом ключе.
- Experience Sharing
The article provides a detailed guide on creating a complete disk version of a program for ZX Spectrum, including code examples and practical advice.
- Experience Exchange
The article provides a comparative analysis of the PC and Amiga platforms, highlighting their respective advantages and disadvantages based on personal experience.
- Experience Exchange
The article discusses the existence and behavior of computer viruses on the ZX Spectrum, particularly the BASIC file infecting virus known as 'Drunken Djinn', first seen in the game Last Battle.
- Code Protection Methods
The article discusses various methods of software code protection, detailing techniques like inversion masking, obfuscation, P-code, cryptographic algorithms, and the use of ISR. Each method is evaluated for effectiveness and application, particularly within the ZX Spectrum environment. The author invites further information and collaboration on information security methods.
- Anniversary
The article celebrates the sixth issue of 'ADVENTURER,' marking one year since the founding of the AURYN group. It reflects on the past year for the Speccy community, including the emergence of new programs and the first demomakers' gathering in the CIS. The author expresses hope for the future of Speccy and encourages readers to support and promote the platform.
- Anniversary
Article celebrates the 15th anniversary of the Spectrum, reflecting on its enduring legacy and recent developments in hardware and software.
- Novella
The article narrates a novella centered on a covert mission involving a programmer named Gerald O'Brien, who is hired by a drug lord called Swede to infiltrate a rival's computer network, leading to a thrilling sequence of espionage and violence.
- Contest
The article discusses a contest related to ZX Spectrum, showcasing submissions and participants' creativity.
- Advertisement
The article is an advertisement section in Adventurer #06, inviting hackers, programmers, artists, and musicians to contribute to the ZX Spectrum community. It outlines collaboration opportunities, offers specific requirements for software submissions, and includes contact information for advertising and game distribution. Additionally, it promotes a range of ZX Spectrum software and services available across various cities.
