Adventurer #06: Оттяг: Юмористический тест о дружбе

╔───────────────────────────────────────╗  
│        Do you have friends?           │  
╚───────────────────────────────────────╝  

Once, we all gathered together and decided to come up with a little test for you. After quite a few drinks, we sat down at Brainer's computer and typed this nonsense. Grab a pen and paper and let's get started...  

01 How do your so-called "friends" greet you when you meet?  
a) If you think we are your friends, you are deeply mistaken.  
b) Hey, dude! How's it going?  
c) Hello! We are from the "Friends for Rent" service.  
d) FUCK OFF !!!  

02 If you get "hard" while swimming in the pool, what will your "friends" say?  
a) I always waited for this moment! Now push against the wall of the pool and bend down a bit.  
b) Yuck... You're a dirty fag!  
c) And what little cutie are you eyeing today?  
d) FUCK OFF !!!  

03 You found out that a party is coming up and you want to go. You ask your "friends" if you can come. What do they say?  
a) Of course! It will be boring without you.  
b) Alright, come over.  
c) What are you talking about? You probably have a couple of lessons you haven't learned.  
d) FUCK OFF !!!  

04 At the party, your "friends" are drinking wine. You also want to drink, but you're broke today and don't have a bottle with you. You ask for a sip of wine. What do they say?  
a) Nothing is too much for a friend - here, drink up!  
b) Buy your own booze, loser!  
c) No! You're not even 21 yet.  
d) FUCK OFF !!!  

05 Your "friends" are walking down the street and suddenly spot you on the other side. What do they shout?  
a) How's it going? (and keep walking)  
b) Hey! Want to grab a beer? We're heading to the pub.  
c) They say nothing and keep walking (faster).  
d) FUCK OFF !!!  

06 You decided to visit your "friends" and ring the doorbell. What will their reaction be?  
a) They will open the door and invite you to watch new demos.  
b) We were just about to leave, but if you want - come in.  
c) They will pretend they are not home.  
d) FUCK OFF !!! (they will shout through the door)  

07 A drunk thug ran into you. You try to call for help. Your "friends" are hanging nearby. What will they do?  
a) They will yell at you: "Hit him!"  
b) They will help you beat the crap out of that jerk.  
c) They will yell at the thug: "Hit him!"  
d) They will say "FUCK OFF !!!" and walk past while you get hit in the head.  

08 You're at the pub with your "friends." Suddenly, you fart loudly. How will your friends comment on it?  
a) They will pretend nothing happened.  
b) They say nothing and act like they don't know you.  
c) Wow, you're cool! I don't think I can do it that loud!  
d) FUCK OFF !!! You're a jerk!  

09 You've gotten so drunk that you can't stand. What will your "friends" do?  
a) They will put you in a taxi and send you far away from here.  
b) They will put you in a taxi and send you home.  
c) They will walk you home.  
d) They will shout "FUCK OFF !!!" You're a drunk jerk.  

10 You're in the hospital (see item N 07). Your "friends" found out about it. What will they do?  
a) They will visit you, bring food and porn magazines. They will entertain you with fresh stories and call the sexy nurse who came to give you a shot.  
b) They will visit you, chat a bit, and leave.  
c) They won't go to the hospital and will secretly laugh behind your back, remembering that incident.  
d) They will send an anonymous note that says "FUCK OFF !!!"  

Rating  
──────────

1. A) 0 Points 6. A) 10 --"-B) 10 --"-- B) 5 --"-C) 5 --"-- C) 0 --"-D) -100 --"-- D) -100 --"-
2. A) 5 --"-- 7. A) 5 --"-B) 0 --"-- B) 10 --"-C) 10 --"-- C) 0 --"-D) -100 --"-- D) -100 --"-
3. A) 10 --"-- 8. A) 5 --"-B) 5 --"-- B) 0 --"-C) 0 --"-- C) 10 --"-D) -100 --"-- D) -100 --"-
4. A) 10 --"-- 9. A) 0 --"-B) 0 --"-- B) 5 --"-C) 5 --"-- C) 10 --"-D) -100 --"-- D) -100 --"-
5. A) 5 --"-- 10. A) 10 --"-B) 10 --"-- B) 5 --"-C) 0 --"-- C) 0 --"-D) -100 --"-- D) -100 --"-
Your score  
──────────  

90+  
You have real friends. Hey! Maybe you should come over for a drink sometime?  

40-90  
You have a few friends, but overall they don't care about you much. We think you shouldn't come over for a drink... You're not welcome here.  

0-40  
You're a loser! You have no friends! We will never socialize with a jerk like you.  

less than 0  
You're the most pathetic jerk that ever lived in the world FUCK OFF !!! (three times)  

more than 100  
Why are you trying to cheat here? Who do you want to fool? You don't belong in the world of SPECCY!  

less than -1000  
Holy crap! You're so pathetic that you couldn't even count your points correctly. I hope you scored at least 90 points. Let's continue the fun with a few more screens.  

The hat fell! It fell on the f***ing ground! I hate "Na-Na"! But SEPULTURA is good. Have you heard their track "CHAOS B.C."? Awesome! COOL & absolutely RULEZZ!!! Yes, it's nice to talk about the good things! Well then... Let's continue.  

(C) Bogie & L.A. of Extacy 2.9+0.1 (Ha, ha, ha !!!)

Contents of the publication: Adventurer #06

• Presentation
  This is an introduction novel for the game Return to Home 4, featuring space battles and a narrative about pilot Raifus navigating challenges in a military context.
• Presentation
  The article presents K.KAV software's new game 'DEATH WORLDS: TORISTAG INVADERS RETURN TO HOME 5', a real-time strategy continuation of 'RTHЧ'. Players will battle against competitors on resource-rich planets while managing technology and military forces. The game's projected release is between late spring and summer of 1997.
• System Software Updates for ZX Spectrum - Котов А.В.
  The article reviews various software updates and utilities for ZX Spectrum, highlighting their features, usability, and performance. It provides insight into programming tools, disk management, and database applications. The tone blends critique and personal experience to inform readers about the latest developments in Spectrum software.
• Overview of ZX Spectrum Software
  The article provides a comprehensive overview of new software for ZX Spectrum, highlighting various games, their features, and recommendations for players.
• Interface
  Discussion of the ZX Spectrum's interface issues and user frustrations with compatibility and modern enhancements. The author critiques the push for users to modify their machines for non-standard features and expresses dissatisfaction with current trends. Reflection on the future of the ZX Spectrum and the need for a more vibrant community involvement.
• Interface
  The article discusses feedback from readers regarding games and programming tools for ZX Spectrum. It includes cheat codes for a game, opinions on assemblers, and insights into user preferences for computing. Various reader inquiries about games and software are also addressed.
• Interface
  The article discusses issues surrounding the OVER FILE GROUP, a game developer known for mail-order sales, and the impact on user trust in software distribution. It also raises the question of whether to transition the magazine to 128K ONLY, seeking reader feedback. The piece reflects on the importance of user support for maintaining a trusted gaming community.
• Interface
  The article discusses recent news in the ZX Spectrum community, including game development updates, personal news about developers, and local happenings in the Rybinsk and Yaroslavl areas.
• Presentation
  The article presents new software releases by SURDAKAR GROUP, including a demo of ROAD FIGHTER and updates on FONT EDITOR and RAY DISK MONITOR.
• Promotion of Adventure Games
  The article provides a detailed analysis of the adventure games 'APOLLO' and 'ЧУЖОЙ', evaluating their gameplay, challenges, and shortcomings in design.
• Ottyag
  Discussion of computer slang and its impact on modern language, highlighting humorous interactions among users.
• Оттяг
  The article presents a humorous collection of absurd lists, including reasons for dinosaur extinction, alternative names for Robinson Crusoe's Friday, and more.
• Ottyag
  The article presents a test for aspiring demo makers, assessing their skills and commitment to demo creation on the ZX Spectrum. It evaluates their approaches to music, graphics, effects, and their overall engagement with the demo scene. Results determine their standing from novice to expert in the demoscene community.
• What Not to Say or Do When Drunk
  The article provides humorous advice on what to avoid saying or doing when drunk, based on personal anecdotes. It emphasizes the consequences of poor decisions and offers cautionary tips. The content is lighthearted and reflects on typical drunken behaviors and their repercussions.
• Friendship Quiz
  The article presents a humorous quiz about friendship, evaluating how friends would react in various social scenarios, culminating in a scoring system to assess the depth of one’s friendships.
• Ottag
  Статья представляет собой сборник китайских пословиц с юмористическим подтекстом, отражающих различные аспекты жизни и отношений. Она сочетает в себе элементы сатиры и легкого фольклора, используя ироничные наблюдения о человеческом поведении. Текст включает в себя аллюзии на сексуальность, настольные игры и религиозные вопросы.
• Оттяг
  Статья представляет собой пародийное евангелие, где события жизни Иисуса Христа изображаются в неформальном и юмористическом ключе.
• Experience Sharing
  The article provides a detailed guide on creating a complete disk version of a program for ZX Spectrum, including code examples and practical advice.
• Experience Exchange
  The article provides a comparative analysis of the PC and Amiga platforms, highlighting their respective advantages and disadvantages based on personal experience.
• Experience Exchange
  The article discusses the existence and behavior of computer viruses on the ZX Spectrum, particularly the BASIC file infecting virus known as 'Drunken Djinn', first seen in the game Last Battle.
• Code Protection Methods
  The article discusses various methods of software code protection, detailing techniques like inversion masking, obfuscation, P-code, cryptographic algorithms, and the use of ISR. Each method is evaluated for effectiveness and application, particularly within the ZX Spectrum environment. The author invites further information and collaboration on information security methods.
• Anniversary
  The article celebrates the sixth issue of 'ADVENTURER,' marking one year since the founding of the AURYN group. It reflects on the past year for the Speccy community, including the emergence of new programs and the first demomakers' gathering in the CIS. The author expresses hope for the future of Speccy and encourages readers to support and promote the platform.
• Anniversary
  Article celebrates the 15th anniversary of the Spectrum, reflecting on its enduring legacy and recent developments in hardware and software.
• Novella
  The article narrates a novella centered on a covert mission involving a programmer named Gerald O'Brien, who is hired by a drug lord called Swede to infiltrate a rival's computer network, leading to a thrilling sequence of espionage and violence.
• Contest
  The article discusses a contest related to ZX Spectrum, showcasing submissions and participants' creativity.
• Advertisement
  The article is an advertisement section in Adventurer #06, inviting hackers, programmers, artists, and musicians to contribute to the ZX Spectrum community. It outlines collaboration opportunities, offers specific requirements for software submissions, and includes contact information for advertising and game distribution. Additionally, it promotes a range of ZX Spectrum software and services available across various cities.