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│ THE GOSPEL OF MITYKI │
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The life of the great mitik Jesus by the nickname Christ and how he enjoyed himself and how his enemies took him down.
Chapter 1
1. In the beginning, everything was all good.
2. And it was all good for God.
3. And it was all good for everyone, God.
Chapter 2.
1. There was a dude named Joseph, he was a carpenter and was trying hard.
2. And when the time came, he felt the urge to marry the party girl Mary.
3. And his sister was not against it either.
4. And he took her to his place, but he turned out to be weak.
5. He went to her several times a day and left with nothing.
6. And Mary lost hope to catch a thrill.
Chapter 3
1. And God realized that Joseph wasn’t cutting it.
2. And Mary, his wife, understood that he was asking for it.
3. And He decided to arrange something nice for Mary.
4. At night He entered her house, but Mary was not asleep.
5. She noticed Him entering and said, "Why don’t you go away, dude?!"
6. The Lord replied to her: "I am the one you are waiting for."
7. Mary rejoiced and shouted: "Thank God, I waited, come here!"
8. But the Lord was cool and replied: "You’re getting ahead of yourself, sister."
9. Mary replied: "Well, Lord!" And she hears the voice of an angel:
10. Mary, twist the wick, it’s smoking.
11. And she twisted the wick, and the Lord entered her.
12. And in the morning He slipped away, saying: "A cool dude will be born to you, sister, and he will be a real mitik."
13. But Mary was busy with the mass in the cradle and didn’t hear anything.
14. And soon a child was born to her, and they named him Jesus, which in Hebrew is Mitya.
Chapter 4
1. Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee and saw two dudes plowing.
2. And He said to them: "Come with me, you will be real mitiks."
3. And they started to work hard and followed Him.
4. Then they saw more dudes and called them to the session too.
5. And there were five brothers.
6. And they went through the villages to enlighten those who were clueless.
7. And they got many.
8. The people were thrilled by them and followed, catching an otherworldly high, waiting for eternal fun.
9. For this is what Christ promised them.
Chapter 5
1. And Jesus heard that the devil was hanging out in the desert.
2. And He decided to fight him.
3. But He had not eaten for forty days and was at his limit.
4. And the enemy was cunning and plotted something bad.
5. "Get to it," he said, "turn the stones into food, you have nothing to eat."
6. Jesus replied to him: "It is wrong for a true mitik to struggle for his belly."
7. Then the enemy approached him again and said: "Jump off the cliff, nothing will happen to you."
8. Jesus replied: "Look where I am, and where the cliff is! This is all nonsense."
9. For the third time, the devil said: "Acknowledge that you are my son, and I will give you the whole world."
10. Jesus said to him: "Why do I need it? I have no space for that, and it would be a hassle for me."
11. And the enemy understood that he was totally outplayed.
Chapter 6
1. Coming back from the desert, Jesus gathered a session of brothers and dudes.
2. And He taught the sons, saying:
3. Do not stress in your life or thoughts, for only those who chill enjoy.
4. Do not dress mainstream, for only those are happy who don’t care.
5. Do not associate with losers and snobs, for they are petty.
6. Do not neglect drinking, but know your limits.
7. Do not mess around unnecessarily, but for fun.
8. Let everything be so casual for you that your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing.
9. Do not worry about food and shelter, for only without stress will you find peace.
10. Do not ask - and it will be given to you, do not seek - and you will find. And to those who do - there will be surprises.
Chapter 7
1. So I tell you, whoever doesn’t let everything slide will not fully enjoy.
2. Someone, getting closer, asked: "What should we do to make everything carefree?"
3. Jesus said: "Only I can fully enjoy, while everyone else will be stressed."
4. But still - do what is commanded, and you will receive.
5. The questioner replied: "I already know all this."
6. And Jesus said to him: "Don’t trade, and everything will be fine."
7. But after that, the questioner was left hanging and left.
Chapter 8
1. And they had to move on, and He led the brothers to the lake.
2. And they looked for a boat, but couldn’t find one.
3. Jesus, seeing this, said: "If you’re in a hurry - you won’t get it!"
4. The brothers didn’t get it and asked again.
5. And He got angry: "What part of my words don’t you understand?"
6. They panicked and replied: "There’s no boat, how do we move on?"
7. Jesus answered them: "Like this!"
8. And a boat appeared, they got in and sailed away.
9. And He walked beside them on the water.
10. They realized what was happening and asked: "How is this possible?"
11. Jesus replied: "A very developed surface, that’s how I’m moving without effort."
12. And those who asked understood that they were being held back, and decided to try themselves, but they flopped.
13. And they decided among themselves: he’s cool, and we’re just his sons.
Chapter 9
1. And he went to another city with the brothers.
2. And when they approached the gates, they saw a woman mourning her only son.
3. Jesus saw this and said: "Wipe your tears, friend."
4. And He touched the one who had kicked the bucket.
5. The dead man rose and started spouting cool nonsense.
6. And everyone who saw this was shocked and said: "He’s cool, and we’re just his sons."
7. And when they entered that city, a girl came to Jesus, who dove in to level herself.
8. And behind her, losers were trying to take her down.
9. And then Jesus said: "Who’s the smartest here?"
10. And everyone was silent, didn’t answer.
11. Then He turned to the girl: "So, let’s enjoy, and they left."
12. And the losers dispersed, having been rejected.
Chapter 10
1. And soon Jesus said to the brothers: "Let’s head to Jerusalem!"
2. And they started to communicate.
3. And as they walked down the road, the dudes who met them broke branches and threw them underfoot.
4. And some threw off their clothes and laid them on the road.
5. Thus they arrived in Jerusalem and immediately organized a distribution.
6. The losers didn’t like it and decided to take down the newcomers.
7. But at first, there was nothing to latch onto.
8. They thought about organizing a rotten market with a cool twist.
9. But those who were smarter understood that this was not the way.
10. And they decided to act differently.
11. The Jerusalem losers approached Him and decided to stress Him out, asking:
12. Should we pay money to Caesar or not?
13. Jesus replied to them: "You’re holding me in contempt, people, for it’s clear: to Caesar - what is Caesar’s, and the rest is for fun."
14. And you’re just chilling and catching a high off someone else’s stress.
15. Come here, - tell the dudes and eat them with crap.
16. And Jesus walked away because He didn’t like losers.
Chapter 11
1. They all gathered to celebrate Passover in Jerusalem, to fully enjoy.
2. And they brought food and drink, and Jesus arrived last.
3. And He said: "Take it, eat!"
4. He poured them wine: "Take it, drink!"
5. For the food is my body, and the drink is my blood!
6. And whoever doesn’t know this - is weak.
7. And the brothers sat down at the table and got wasted.
8. Jesus, however, had recently quit and sat there like glass.
9. And when the drunk ones started falling under the table, Jesus said to them:
10. Soon one of you will betray me.
11. And everyone started to approach Him and ask, who do you hold in contempt?
12. And everyone asked, except Peter, who was in a state of blackout.
13. And Judas approached and said: "You cardboard fool, am I not the one?"
14. Jesus said to him: "Well, brother!"
15. And out of fear, Judas scared himself.
Chapter 12
1. Jesus saw that the people were not tying up and gathered everyone and led them to sober up in the garden.
2. But upon arriving in the garden, everyone fell with drunken screams, and while they were catching the vibe, they didn’t notice how Jesus stepped aside.
3. He felt bad and prayed.
4. Oh dear, let this cup pass from me.
5. At that time, guards were walking through the garden and noticed the screaming Jesus.
6. And they took Him down and led Him to trial.
7. And the brothers, waking up, saw that He was gone and decided to catch a buzz without Him.
8. And before the rooster crowed three times, they were back to their old ways.
Chapter 13
1. Learning that the losers took down Jesus, they approached Judas and yelled:
2. But it was you, Miron, who killed Jesus!
3. And Judas told them about the money he received, and then jumped off a cliff and covered himself.
4. In despair, the brothers decided to have their way with the bound Christ.
5. They went to where He was held and asked: "Our guy here is making shoes."
6. But the most wild ones came out and took them all down in a flash.
7. And it dawned on the sober ones that oh no, it was Jesus.
Chapter 14
1. Pontius was not a loser, but he was a rotten and snobby dude.
2. They brought Jesus to him.
3. Pontius immediately explained: "You’ve been partying, son, and now you’ll taste it."
4. Jesus replied to him: "Do you know, son, that it’s hard to fight with me?"
5. Then Pontius decided that the speaker was just getting cocky and thought to hit him.
6. He brought Christ to the square, where the party was going, and asked the losers: "Shall we take him down?"
7. And the losers shouted: "Take him down! Take him down!"
8. And Pontius obeyed them.
Chapter 15
1. And the losers took down Jesus.
2. He hung on the cross and felt that it was the end for him.
3. And he prayed, oh dear, Lord, I’m stuck!
4. But he realized that there would be no way out, and he kicked the bucket.
5. And when the ones hanging around started to steal Him and buried Him nearby.
6. Three days later, it turned out that he had recovered and slipped away from the grave.
7. And he appeared to his brothers in glory, carefree and tipsy.
8. After which he ascended to his father, an even cooler dude.
9. And God met him and said: "Hello, Mitya. Don’t be afraid, nobody will hurt you anymore."
10. And they enjoyed themselves like gods together, fully and carefreely, sharing the high and the fun like crispy treats.
And finally, the last batch of pictures.
There are no more jokes for today, so for now! Until the next FUN!
Contents of the publication: Adventurer #06
- Presentation
This is an introduction novel for the game Return to Home 4, featuring space battles and a narrative about pilot Raifus navigating challenges in a military context.
- Presentation
The article presents K.KAV software's new game 'DEATH WORLDS: TORISTAG INVADERS RETURN TO HOME 5', a real-time strategy continuation of 'RTHЧ'. Players will battle against competitors on resource-rich planets while managing technology and military forces. The game's projected release is between late spring and summer of 1997.
- System Software Updates for ZX Spectrum - Котов А.В.
The article reviews various software updates and utilities for ZX Spectrum, highlighting their features, usability, and performance. It provides insight into programming tools, disk management, and database applications. The tone blends critique and personal experience to inform readers about the latest developments in Spectrum software.
- Overview of ZX Spectrum Software
The article provides a comprehensive overview of new software for ZX Spectrum, highlighting various games, their features, and recommendations for players.
- Interface
Discussion of the ZX Spectrum's interface issues and user frustrations with compatibility and modern enhancements. The author critiques the push for users to modify their machines for non-standard features and expresses dissatisfaction with current trends. Reflection on the future of the ZX Spectrum and the need for a more vibrant community involvement.
- Interface
The article discusses feedback from readers regarding games and programming tools for ZX Spectrum. It includes cheat codes for a game, opinions on assemblers, and insights into user preferences for computing. Various reader inquiries about games and software are also addressed.
- Interface
The article discusses issues surrounding the OVER FILE GROUP, a game developer known for mail-order sales, and the impact on user trust in software distribution. It also raises the question of whether to transition the magazine to 128K ONLY, seeking reader feedback. The piece reflects on the importance of user support for maintaining a trusted gaming community.
- Interface
The article discusses recent news in the ZX Spectrum community, including game development updates, personal news about developers, and local happenings in the Rybinsk and Yaroslavl areas.
- Presentation
The article presents new software releases by SURDAKAR GROUP, including a demo of ROAD FIGHTER and updates on FONT EDITOR and RAY DISK MONITOR.
- Promotion of Adventure Games
The article provides a detailed analysis of the adventure games 'APOLLO' and 'ЧУЖОЙ', evaluating their gameplay, challenges, and shortcomings in design.
- Ottyag
Discussion of computer slang and its impact on modern language, highlighting humorous interactions among users.
- Оттяг
The article presents a humorous collection of absurd lists, including reasons for dinosaur extinction, alternative names for Robinson Crusoe's Friday, and more.
- Ottyag
The article presents a test for aspiring demo makers, assessing their skills and commitment to demo creation on the ZX Spectrum. It evaluates their approaches to music, graphics, effects, and their overall engagement with the demo scene. Results determine their standing from novice to expert in the demoscene community.
- What Not to Say or Do When Drunk
The article provides humorous advice on what to avoid saying or doing when drunk, based on personal anecdotes. It emphasizes the consequences of poor decisions and offers cautionary tips. The content is lighthearted and reflects on typical drunken behaviors and their repercussions.
- Friendship Quiz
The article presents a humorous quiz about friendship, evaluating how friends would react in various social scenarios, culminating in a scoring system to assess the depth of one’s friendships.
- Ottag
Статья представляет собой сборник китайских пословиц с юмористическим подтекстом, отражающих различные аспекты жизни и отношений. Она сочетает в себе элементы сатиры и легкого фольклора, используя ироничные наблюдения о человеческом поведении. Текст включает в себя аллюзии на сексуальность, настольные игры и религиозные вопросы.
- Оттяг
Статья представляет собой пародийное евангелие, где события жизни Иисуса Христа изображаются в неформальном и юмористическом ключе.
- Experience Sharing
The article provides a detailed guide on creating a complete disk version of a program for ZX Spectrum, including code examples and practical advice.
- Experience Exchange
The article provides a comparative analysis of the PC and Amiga platforms, highlighting their respective advantages and disadvantages based on personal experience.
- Experience Exchange
The article discusses the existence and behavior of computer viruses on the ZX Spectrum, particularly the BASIC file infecting virus known as 'Drunken Djinn', first seen in the game Last Battle.
- Code Protection Methods
The article discusses various methods of software code protection, detailing techniques like inversion masking, obfuscation, P-code, cryptographic algorithms, and the use of ISR. Each method is evaluated for effectiveness and application, particularly within the ZX Spectrum environment. The author invites further information and collaboration on information security methods.
- Anniversary
The article celebrates the sixth issue of 'ADVENTURER,' marking one year since the founding of the AURYN group. It reflects on the past year for the Speccy community, including the emergence of new programs and the first demomakers' gathering in the CIS. The author expresses hope for the future of Speccy and encourages readers to support and promote the platform.
- Anniversary
Article celebrates the 15th anniversary of the Spectrum, reflecting on its enduring legacy and recent developments in hardware and software.
- Novella
The article narrates a novella centered on a covert mission involving a programmer named Gerald O'Brien, who is hired by a drug lord called Swede to infiltrate a rival's computer network, leading to a thrilling sequence of espionage and violence.
- Contest
The article discusses a contest related to ZX Spectrum, showcasing submissions and participants' creativity.
- Advertisement
The article is an advertisement section in Adventurer #06, inviting hackers, programmers, artists, and musicians to contribute to the ZX Spectrum community. It outlines collaboration opportunities, offers specific requirements for software submissions, and includes contact information for advertising and game distribution. Additionally, it promotes a range of ZX Spectrum software and services available across various cities.
