Adventurer #08: Тест фармацевта: Узнайте, кто настоящий специалист

Tests

The first letters for the test competition announced in the last issue have started to arrive. Therefore, today I present to you the works of two people, two doctors... No, I'm not joking: one is dr. Laser from Tutayev, and the other is dr. John from Rybinsk.

(C) Rusty Slav & Dr. Laser

PHARMACIST. AUTHENTICITY CHECK.

It is no secret that in every city there are professions that, for some reason, are more popular than all the others. In the city of Severodonetsk in the Luhansk region, one of these professions is that of a pharmacist. During the stagnation years, this was explained by the fact that pharmacists were part of the privileged circle of those Allowed to the Deficit, but even after this grace ended, pharmacists continued to be envied: the job (at first glance) is not difficult, the salary (compared to janitors and cleaners) is high, and moreover, it is paid WITHOUT DELAYS!!! Therefore, it is not surprising that self-proclaimed pharmacists kept appearing, pretending to be pharmacists to look cooler in the eyes of their friends and girlfriends. Naturally, this could not fail to provoke outrage from real pharmacists. A special test was even developed to identify impostors, which we present for your consideration.

1. You offer the subject of the check a prescription and ask him to read it.
   a) He not only reads the prescription but also tells what medicine is prescribed, for which disease, the maximum single and daily doses, etc.
   b) He replies: "Sorry, I forgot my glasses at home."
   c) He replies: "What am I, a doctor?"
   
2. In his presence, you complain about a headache and ask what he can recommend?
   a) Efferalgan-UPSA
   b) Tempalgin
   c) An axe.

3. Your girlfriend informs him that the doctor prescribed her pessaries and asks how to take them?
   a) Didn't the doctor tell you?
   b) 2 pieces 3 times a day, to be taken with milk.
   c) 1 piece 2 times a day, I can't say where.

4. You ask him if he reads the State Pharmacopoeia?
   a) Why?
   b) Of course, every day.
   c) Who is the author?

5. You inform him that you bought candles at the pharmacy and ask from which side to light them?
   a) Read the instructions.
   b) From both sides.
   c) Why light them at all?

6. You ask him what to take to build muscles?
   a) Retabolil, Metilandrostendiol, and the like.
   b) Get into sports.
   c) Get lost (I can't say where)!

7. You inform him that you heard about the price increase for medications and watch his reaction.
   a) He is happy (but it’s clear that he is not sincere).
   b) He is genuinely happy.
   c) He is upset.

8. Choosing a moment when he is lost in thought, you quietly approach and whisper in his ear: "Free prescriptions."
   a) He jumps up in horror and you have a hard time convincing him that it was a joke.
   b) He looks around in confusion, not knowing how to behave in such a situation.
   c) He turns a finger at his temple and moves away from you.

9. You invite him over and ask which herb he wants to brew tea with.
   a) At your discretion.
   b) With all that you have.
   c) I can't stand tea, let’s drink "Fanta" instead.

10. You ask for his opinion on Bittner's balm.
   a) It's a cool thing.
   b) It's complete nonsense.
   c) I don't know, I haven't tried it yet.

Score Calculation Table:

1. a) 10 points         6. a)  5 points  
   b)  5 - " -            b)  1 - " -  
   c)  1 - " -            c) 10 - " -  
2. a)  5 - " -         7. a)  5 - " -  
   b) 10 - " -            b) 10 - " -  
   c)  1 - " -            c)  1 - " -  
3. a)  1 - " -         8. a) 10 - " -  
   b)  5 - " -            b)  5 - " -  
   c) 10 - " -            c)  1 - " -  
4. a) 10 - " -         9. a)  1 - " -  
   b)  5 - " -            b)  5 - " -  
   c)  1 - " -            c) 10 - " -  
5. a)  1 - " -        10. a)  5 - " -  
   b)  5 - " -            b) 10 - " -  
   c) 10 - " -            c)  1 - " -  

90-100  
You're lucky, buddy, your friend is indeed a pharmacist and clearly not one of the worst. Don't forget to apologize for doubting him.

60-89  
It seems he is indeed a pharmacist, but clearly not one of the best. But maybe he has been out of work for a long time and has simply lost his qualification.

30-59  
Don't be upset, buddy, but your friend is not a pharmacist. And the information about medications that he eagerly shares comes, at best, from Mashkovsky's "Medicinal Agents," and at worst - from TV commercials.

10-29  
I don't understand why you think he is pretending to be a pharmacist. To me, he seems like a perfectly normal person.

So what can be said about this? Actually, any test is designed to check the reader for whether he is a jerk or a good guy. Here, however, I'm being tested on whether I have pharmacist friends or not. Personally, I can confidently say, even without this test, that I have a couple of acquaintances who are doctors, but they are definitely not pharmacists; in fact, both are surgeons, as I know for sure that they graduated from university specifically in that specialty. And the little test is, in principle, well-made and solid, although the topic is strange.

Let's look at the next one:

Well, here I am again, Dr. Laser. In ADV #7 in the "Relax" section, I read a very interesting material, the author of which noted that many people can be a DUMB ASS. But there was not a word said about how to determine whether a particular person is one, and I decided to take on this "noble" task myself. And one more thing. The fact is that I am tired of such tests where you have to count points, calculate the sum, and then look for which answer it corresponds to. Therefore, I built my test differently. You just need to read the events listed below and remember if anything similar has happened to you. If it has, answer "yes," if not, answer "no." That's all.

Contents of the publication: Adventurer #08

• От автора - Shaitan
  Technical details of a new program interface for ZX Spectrum. Discusses improvements and features like scrolling and color change. Provides keyboard and button navigation instructions.
• От автора
  Introduction by the author and editorial team details.
• Presentation
  The article presents a software installer for creating autorun disks and introduces a new adventure game created with QUILL by Dr. Laser.
• Presentation of TRICK Software
  The article presents TRICK, a new software for program protection developed by Eternity Industry, and discusses its beta and commercial versions. The author, Alexander Kalinin (aka Paracels/EI), addresses previous shortcomings in the software and emphasizes its improved interface. It includes purchase details for the software and invites readers to request it.
• Presentation
  The article provides a detailed user manual for HELP_Z80, a free utility for ZX Spectrum that serves as an electronic guide for Z80 microprocessor commands. It outlines how to load and use the software, including command explanations, search functions, and integration with assemblers. Additionally, it includes memory distribution, operational features, and references for further reading.
• Interface
  The article discusses reader feedback on the magazine's interface, addressing concerns about pricing and software trends in the ZX Spectrum community. It features a letter from a reader expressing thoughts on game pricing and the declining number of users on the platform. Additionally, there are discussions on software developments and user engagement.
• Interface
  The article shares the author's experiences after purchasing an Amiga, comparing it with a PC, and discussing its usability for games, graphics, and music, while noting some software limitations.
• Interface
  The article discusses user support issues faced by hardware manufacturers SCORPION and NEMO for ZX Spectrum devices. It critiques SCORPION for poor customer service despite being a market leader, while praising NEMO for responsive support. The author expresses concerns about the overall market direction for ZX Spectrum hardware.
• Interface
  Article discusses the future of the Spectrum platform, addressing user demographics, software production challenges, and hardware evolution possibilities.
• Interface
  Article discusses the frustrations of a Speccy user regarding hardware issues, the challenges of modern computing, and the dedication to maintaining the Speccy platform.
• Interface
  Статья рассматривает жизнь и судьбы пользователей ZX Spectrum, включая личные воспоминания автора о друзьях и их взаимодействии с компьютерами.
• System
  The article reviews various software for ZX Spectrum, including text editors, audio players, and graphic utilities. It provides independent opinions on their features and usability, highlighting both strengths and weaknesses. The piece emphasizes the evolution and improvement of software tools available for this classic platform.
• Overview of Games
  Overview of notable games for ZX Spectrum, highlighting their graphics, sound, and gameplay mechanics. Each entry includes a brief summary and rating. Recommended for fans of retro gaming.
• Review of Demos
  The article reviews demo versions of various games, highlighting their potential and unique features. It emphasizes the scarcity of such releases in the market and evaluates the quality and gameplay mechanics of selected titles. The author shares insights into the progress and expectations for future full versions of these games.
• Guests
  The article discusses the formation and activities of the Eternity Industry group, its members, projects, and future plans for releases and competitions.
• Гости - Dr. John
  An interview with Felix from Virtual Brothers discusses his transition from ZX Spectrum to PC, development of the game 'Winnie the Pooh', and future plans.
• Guests
  Interview with the musicians Mарат and Демон from the band 'Disgust', discussing their musical evolution, influences, and perspectives on life and creativity.
• Promotion
  The article provides a detailed manual for the game 'ENCYCLOPEDIA of WAR', explaining army selection, unit types, and battle mechanics.
• Promotion
  The article provides a walkthrough for the game, detailing necessary items and strategies for progressing through various challenges, including dealing with dinosaurs and navigating villages.
• Promotion
  Статья представляет собой обзор arcade adventure игры 'ELOPEMENT' от Omega HG, выделяя ее особенности и советы по прохождению.
• Promotion
  Статья описывает текстовую адвентюру 'Остров тьмы' на QUILL, предлагая советы для игроков. Упоминаются механики и персонажи, включая загадки и взаимодействия. В конце представлена карта острова.
• Promotion of 'Knightmare'
  The article describes the game 'Knightmare', detailing its commands, gameplay mechanics, and initial quests. Players control a knight who must interact with characters and solve puzzles to progress. It serves as a manual for navigating the game's environment and objectives.
• Experience Exchange
  The article critiques the adventure game 'Island of Darkness' by Paul Moskow, highlighting its illogical design, lack of detailed item descriptions, and absence of helpful hints for players.
• Experience Exchange
  The article provides a detailed manual for enhancing the ZX ASM 3.0 assembler, introducing debugging features and functionalities for better program execution control on ZX Spectrum.
• Experience Exchange
  The article describes a phenomenon observed with the ZX Spectrum video controller, where switching between two screens can create unexpected visual artifacts. It outlines a specific program that demonstrates this effect through rapid screen toggling. The author discusses the implications and potential applications of this behavior.
• Обмен опытом - Иван Рощин
  The article is a programming guide on porting the 'iris.ss' screen saver effect from Dos Navigator to ZX Spectrum, including source code and modification tips.
• Обмен опытом - Иван Рощин
  Description of the OPEN_W procedure to create window borders. Includes details on customization of symbols and dimensions. Utilizes PRSYM for symbol printing.
• Обмен опытом - Maximum
  Introduction to long integer operations for game development on ZX Spectrum, including addition, subtraction, and conversion to ASCII.
• Experience Exchange
  The article discusses the customization of the ART STUDIO graphic editor by creating additional modules that enhance its functionality, including features like music playback and cursor coordinates display.
• Experience Exchange
  The article describes a program developed to improve the visual quality of a pixel-by-pixel moving attribute message on ZX Spectrum. It provides details on the implementation, including the use of data arrays for motion trajectory and image rendering. The program includes comments for easier understanding and can be modified for different effects.
• Оттяг
  The article features humorous sketches and commentary on various aspects of life and technology, including anecdotes about a fictional character's experience with a Pentium processor.
• Pharmacist Test
  The article presents humorous tests designed to identify whether someone is a real pharmacist or a fraud, featuring situational questions and scoring to gauge knowledge of pharmacy.
• Oddities and Self-Reflection in 'Оттяг'
  The article 'Оттяг' presents a humorous and critical self-reflection of the author, exploring various life experiences and quirks that highlight his unusual personality traits.
• Humorous Quiz: Assess Your Sense of Humor
  The article presents a humorous quiz to assess one's sense of humor and sexual attitudes through various situational questions, revealing absurd and comedic perspectives.
• Student Types Quiz
  The article presents a humorous quiz to determine what kind of student you are, ranging from a party animal to a diligent scholar. It features a series of questions regarding typical student activities and responses. The results categorize students based on their score, from carefree to nerdy.
• How to Properly Torture Windows 95 - Maximum
  Статья описывает иронический подход к установке и эксплуатации операционной системы Windows 95, включая способы ее 'мучения' и троллинга. В тексте используются гиперболизированные примеры взаимодействия с ОС для создания комичного эффекта. Это развлекательный материал с элементами юмора.
• Ottyag
  The article is a humorous narrative featuring Winnie the Pooh and his friends returning to the Hundred Acre Wood, where their carefree life turns chaotic. It describes their antics, including drinking and misadventures, as they reunite and encounter various challenges. The story showcases the characters' personalities and interactions in a comedic light.
• Novella
  The article describes a humorous novella featuring Corporal Johnlan recounting his first military mission and his interactions with a young grandchild over beers.
• Novella
  Novella recounts an adventurous escape from a Glot base using a vintage spacecraft, highlighting the protagonist's encounters and clever maneuvers.
• Novella
  The article describes a whimsical story about two hedgehogs, Pukhly and Zaraza, who, after a strange event, develop wings and must navigate their new reality. The story blends fantasy and humor as the characters face unexpected changes and challenges. This is a novella showcasing imaginative storytelling.
• News
  The article discusses recent updates from Rybninsk related to the FunTop party, detailing contributions from various individuals and teams for the 'Adventurer' magazine and demo competitions.
• News
  Статья сообщает о событиях в сообществе Спектрумистов Ярославля, включая информацию о разработчиках программного обеспечения и их текущих проектах.
• Advertisement
  The article is a collection of advertisements and announcements related to ZX Spectrum, inviting collaboration from programmers, artists, and musicians, and detailing how to acquire the journal and software.