SoundTrack: SECTOR/SERIOUS S.G.'97 (CMG98)
__________________________________________
(C) Kopytkov Alex
__________________________________________
I think it turned out well, although if there had been enough time, it would have been much better. (This is just me preemptively justifying the poorly executed scenes, as well as the not-so-funny jokes (or maybe the opposite)).
Winnie the Pooh's Adventures
Part 2
So, after a long time hiding in the bushes, Winnie set off home. The last binge and Piglet's joke had a strong effect on the bear's nerves; he walked through the forest cursing everything in the world: Piglet, vodka, and the trees that hit Pooh's nose too often. After the fifteenth tree he encountered, Winnie realized that the most optimal solution was to go around the trunks. "Here’s home!" exclaimed the bear as he approached his shack. The door, or rather its absence, somewhat disappointed Pooh. There was nothing to kick. Winnie went inside and looked around. Everything was in its place: a striped sock patiently awaited its pair on the system unit, the cake, or rather its remnants, waited for a broom on the floor, and empty beer bottles quietly awaited their fate in the corner of the room. Pooh sat down at the computer and only then noticed that there were two monitors in front of him - this puzzled the bear somewhat. Winnie closed one eye with his hand - there were still two monitors, then Pooh closed the other eye - the monitors disappeared. "Glitches," diagnosed the bear, and then, in order to get rid of at least one of the glitches, Winnie swung and hit one of the monitors. The latter fell to the floor into the remnants of the cake and made a sound exactly like that of a monitor falling to the floor. Winnie sighed with satisfaction and turned on the computer. After that tedious and absolutely useless process that ordinary mortals call rebooting, the command line of the much-maligned MS-DOS appeared. Suddenly, letters began to appear in the line, and soon they formed into words: "Hello, Winnie!" Pooh looked at the modem, which hadn’t shown signs of life for about a week, and realized that no information could come from outside. Then a crazy thought began to form in his head: "Isn't the computer talking to me?" Although the prospect was promising, Winnie tried to rid himself of this thought. He didn’t want to become another patient in the mental hospital, the only one of whom was Rabbit, who was registered there for two reasons: firstly, because of his inexplicable attraction to the F8 key, and secondly, and most importantly - Rabbit didn’t like beer. The bear's thoughts were scattered by a new phrase that appeared on the monitor: "Winnie, why aren’t you answering?" Suddenly, there was a knock, Pooh abruptly turned off the computer and was about to open the door, but remembering that there was none, he shouted: - Come in! - Hi, Winnie. - greeted Piglet. - Hello. - Did you fix my monitor? - Almost. - replied Pooh, brushing the remnants of the cake and the monitor under the table with his back paw. - Winnie, I bought a device for reading punch cards! Winnie-the-Pooh's pupils dilated, and he uttered a rather long phrase, from which, omitting the swear words, Piglet understood that all this stuff was outdated long ago. After such verbosity, the bear overheated and froze. Piglet knew what to do in such cases and was always ready for them. He pulled a bottle of beer from his old sports bag and waved it in front of Pooh's eyes. Pooh reacted like a special forces group, i.e., he grabbed the item that Piglet had in his hands and opened the cap with his teeth. Then, from the drawer in the table, a miraculously preserved pack of Bond was retrieved. "Bond is a boast!" - declared Piglet and pulled a pack of CAMEL from his little trousers pocket. A grimace of bliss appeared on Pooh's face, and he almost shed a tear, but when the piglet opened the bag and Pooh saw neatly packed: lard, dried fish, a few more bottles of beer, and his favorite video cassette - Hackers, a torrent of words of gratitude poured down on Piglet, and Pooh's strong paws squeezed the piglet in a friendly embrace...
-----------------------------------------******************************************
-----------------------------------------
Computer Syndrome
And now I will tell you about a disease called "Computer Syndrome". I want to say right away that this is a terrible disease, and it spreads very quickly. The cause of the disease is the COMPUTER. Very few people have immunity against this disease. The main characteristics of those who have immunity against CS (Computer Syndrome): either stupidity, or antipathy towards computers, or hatred of games, or lack of hands, or blindness, or fear of any electrically operated devices. So, now about the disease itself. The syndrome begins when buying a computer. The first signs: you want to buy a computer with the most sophisticated devices possible, you are ready to give any money for it. After the purchase, you definitely want to turn on the computer as soon as possible and see what it can do. After a week, you get tired of looking at the blue of Norton, and you start feverishly searching for operating systems that use a graphical interface. After you get such a system, you begin to feverishly search for some programs and utilities for it. Having stuffed the hard drive with all sorts of nonsense, you derive pleasure not from the result of working with the computer, but simply from communicating with it. After a while, you realize that you are getting bored without the computer - this is the last stage of strengthening the disease in the body. From then on, all effects just start to intensify. A person suffering from CS cannot live normally without a computer. If the sick person is isolated from the computer, he often falls into a binge or starts using drugs to somehow compensate for the loss of the computer. If such a person lives next to you, then under no circumstances say such things to him when he is at the computer: "Go to sleep!", "You should go for a walk at least, you've been sitting at the computer all day!", "Sit down and do your homework!", "Sitting at the computer is bad for your health!". And most importantly: do not pull the computer's plug out of the socket when it is on, and if you do, do not be surprised if the sick person cries: "You killed it, you killed it!". Well, that seems to be it. Oh, someone’s hand is reaching for the wire. Don’t do it..!
-----------------------------------------******************************************
-----------------------------------------
Parodies on Advertising
Look at your monitor, do you see what is hidden behind it? Turn its screen towards you... We apologize for the presence of an image on your monitor, we assure you that this will not happen again. Use blend-a-med toothpaste and the yellow plaque on your teeth will disappear, they will be white, like... well, I don't even know what. Together with your teeth, you can whiten yourself too - this is a side effect, it is carefully described on the package. Partisans, drink "Rasputin" vodka, you can wink at it from above and below. Don’t be surprised if after two bottles it stops winking at you; maybe it got tired, or maybe you fell asleep. Gillette, the best razor in the world, noooo! I use TIDE and there are no lint or pills on my teeth... Oh, is this an advertisement for DETERGENT? During critical days, I use OK pads. I can't imagine how my feet would sweat if this pad didn't absorb moisture. I think that soon insoles will go out of fashion, and instead, people will use pads. (from GORODOK.REMIX) MMMMM - these are three directors of our company: 1 - Idiot. 2 - Ass. 3 - Merry Jopins. The last one is not a woman, as such. Bonza - a gambling game, with YOUR money. Hooray, Aunt Asya has arrived! Again she brought two tanks of AS! Well, Aunt Asya, I told you - you still won't wash that stain out. Thanks to years of research, scientists have found that to get rid of dandruff, you need to wash your hair. - Wow, how many girls! Oh, who do I see. You see no one, you just ate too many M&M's chocolate candies. - Well, what should I bring you, my daughters? The eldest: Bring me an AMIGA. The middle one: And me a MACINTOSH. The youngest: And me, father, bring me a SEGA. "What a pervert." - thought the father and brought nothing to the youngest.
TO BE CONTINUED...
-----------------------------------------******************************************
-----------------------------------------
Neighbors
Let's figure out who neighbors are? First of all, they are people; secondly, they are people who live next to you. That is, on the same landing, in the same "pocket", in the same entrance, in the neighboring private house, etc. Everyone has different attitudes towards their neighbors: some love them, some can't stand them. Today I will tell you about several types of neighbors.
The Polite Neighbor.
I will briefly tell about this type. They are good, honest people. You can trust them. They pose no danger. The exception is students, who seem to be decent people. They don’t disturb anyone. They sit and study, but attention! Be vigilant, appearances are deceiving. Behind this angelic exterior hide real devils. You need to be especially careful on scholarship days. On these days they drink, smoke, and who knows what else (forgive me, sinner) they do. And after these days, it’s better not to let them in, they will eat everything, even the smallest particles of organic matter (believe me, they know what that is).
The Freeloader Neighbor.
A very harmful type. Often represents brazen, cunning people. Don’t try to hide behind the door; they know when you are home and when you are not. Often these people come to borrow money. NEVER LEND THEM MONEY. They will take forever to pay it back. If such a request comes for the first time, get on your knees and swear that you have no money. If you refuse the first three times, they won’t come to you for money. Means of fighting: don’t let them into your home. When opening the door, cough loudly, make a grimace of pain on your face, and say that you have the flu. As a last resort, if you can’t cough hard, pretend that you are going somewhere or are going to clean (this option is weaker than the two previous ones).
The Knocking Neighbor.
This is an unpleasant type of neighbor who is always doing something, hammering something into the wall, and then throwing something at that same wall because nothing works out for him. Means of fighting: you can send cockroaches to his apartment (or house, which is even better). Then he will be busy getting rid of the aforementioned from his house and will stop knocking for a long time. You can knock on his wall (he will calm down), but this will not last long; instinct will take over, and everything will start again.
The Shouting Neighbor.
These are neighbors who often quarrel. They make a lot of noise and disturb you. Means of fighting: there are two options here. 1) Go and beat up the neighbor. 2) Go and reconcile the neighbors. I explain: the first method is more effective, but the second is safer.
The Stomping Neighbor.
This is a neighbor who constantly stomps around his apartment. There are no methods of fighting, except for firearms. (I hope it doesn’t come to that)
The Neighbor Making Moonshine.
Also known as the neighbor whose water is constantly leaking. Means of fighting: go to the basement and turn off the water (cold).
The Playing Neighbor.
This is a neighbor who constantly plays computer games. Often harmless, but there is an exception. This is a neighbor who plays 3D shooters. Sometimes the sounds of shooting and exploding grenades become annoying. Means of fighting: you need to turn off the electric switch. If you are lucky, you will ruin his game itself.
Well, that’s probably all. Good luck in your battles for peace and quiet.
P.S. Name new types of neighbors, and I will tell you how to deal with them.
the protocol of the medallion examination)
"The neighbor systematically poisons me with his goat, which has led to a deplorable state of my vegetation" (From the statement)
"Recently, they achieved a new labor victory - reached the 10-kilometer milestone in milk yield from the cow." (Newspaper "Village News")
"You are allowed to live for one more day. After that, I won't be able to help." (Warning from the hotel administrator)
"Valuable items and money should be handed over to the bath attendant. The bath attendant is not responsible for lost items." (Announcement)
"Canning mushrooms, ramsons, I remind you once again, is very dangerous! Therefore, we strongly recommend pouring the canned mushrooms into a pot, boiling for 45 minutes, and flushing down the drain." (Newspaper "Grozny Worker")
"Citizens! Take care of the garbage chute; this is your home, where you live!" (Announcement)
"Beef jelly with horseradish appetizer" (From the menu of the restaurant "Prikamye")
"Patients at 7 am to be buried all!" (Announcement in the eye department)
┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ │
│ 16-22 1 pm, 5 pm, 7 pm, 9 pm │
│ │
│ THE PASSWORD WAS KNOWN BY TWO │
│ │
│ 16-18 11 am, 3 pm │
│ │
│ FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD CAPTAIN │
│ │
│ 7-10 11 am, 3 pm │
│ │
│ OLD MAN KHOTTABYCH │
│ │
└───────────────────────────────┘
"Roasted lamb, natural pork" (From the menu)
"Hitching and unhitching a one-hoofed cart." (From the order)
"Thus, for over 6 months, the residents of house No. 12 have been waiting for the replacement of the through cracks by the master of the Housing and Utilities Department, Indyukov." (From the presentation)
"I request to issue me 20 rubles as a salary." (From the statement)
"There is about 20 cubic meters of unclaimed reinforced concrete at the central warehouse, lying in a pile. Remnants of foreman Burmakin." (From the act)
"The cost of spare parts for repairing household appliances and watches is charged to customers, received from the warehouse by invoice." (From the act)
"It is interesting that the tongue of a whale, about thirty meters long and weighing about twenty tons, weighs 4000 kilograms." (Newspaper "Caucasian Health")
"Rusakov A.I. went to work on July 1, 1981. Something got into his eye in the square near the factory. He went to the health center. Nothing was found at the health center for Rusakov A.I. On July 2, Rusakov A.I. went to the clinic, where a foreign body was discovered, and a sick leave was issued." (From the act)
"This nurse can do everything," says Anna Alexeyevna Igrina, the head nurse of the hospital, about Sannikova. "She is called a wide-profile sister. She takes a patient and sees them through to the end." (Newspaper "Nefteyugansk Worker")
"Comrades tourists! On June 20, bed linen will be changed. Even-numbered rooms will change with odd-numbered ones. Administration." (Announcement at the tourist base)
"I will start with some positive examples. After the critical article "One Piglet for the Whole Village," published in "Kalinin Truth," the chairman of the collective farm "Activist," B.A. Prochtenkov, began to constantly help collective farmers in acquiring piglets and feed. As a result, the number of pigs in the personal farms of the workers of this state farm doubled last year." (Newspaper "Kalinin Truth")
"A collective of amateur fishermen has been formed based on liquefied gas." (Newspaper "Lenin's Word")
"The traffic police commission, being in an intoxicated state, deprived drivers Chulkin V.E. from the district agricultural machinery and Tutykina S.A. from the Shlakovskaya oil base of their driving licenses for a period of one year to five years and fined them." (Newspaper "Leninets")
"In 1979, it was planned to obtain 108 calves from each cow of the commodity herd. After reading these lines, some may doubt the reality of what was said, while specialists and milkmaids of "Voskhoд" consider this figure minimal." (Newspaper "Orlovskaya Truth")
"Diary of agricultural work. According to operational data from the district executive committee's agriculture department, as of the morning of March 19, 56,211 tons of manure (70% of the target) were delivered to the wintering sites of the public livestock of the district." (Newspaper "Banner of the Motherland")
"The first birth certificates of children were handed to Arkadiy Gavrilovich and Galina Ivanovna Vostretsov, in whose family twin daughters Irina and Marina, Oksana, Natalia, Tatyana, Yulia, Alexander, Dmitry, Denis, Roman, and Evgeny were born - beautiful names were given to the babies." (Newspaper "Kama News")
"The voters' club at the canning factory has not ceased its activities. It has clubs for dog lovers and women..." (Newspaper "Michurinskaya Truth")
"I inform you that comrade Geylanenko V.A. has been issued a net in the amount of 1 piece for catching fish, measuring 88 meters." (From the notification)
"Comrades men! Be brave, push the women through the salon!" (Request in a crowded bus)
"This question we put firmly and turned around its axis." (From the speech)
"Regarding my appearance, he says that someone from the PМК-21 called and said: "What kind of freak did you send me?". I am sure that no one could say this about me. I behave politely at the sites, as it should be. Yuri Pavlovich himself invented this word "freak" to finally humiliate and morally kill me. And he succeeded; I haven’t been able to look at myself in the mirror for a whole week without thinking that I am a freak." (From the explanatory note of the assistant sanitary doctor)
"In men's salons, you will gain vigor." (Advertising for barbershops)
"Anyone who has seen a goat with a peeled side, with one horn, please report to the address: Labor Street, house 11. If it's a man, he will receive a bottle! If it's a woman, whatever she wishes. The goat is called Mary Ivanovna, of black color. She should give birth soon." (Announcement)
"Hairstyles with the names "Sessun," "Garcon," and "Nadezhda" are almost identical - they only differ in the back." (Announcement in the barbershop)
"Shilov is a true fighter for justice, openly going for any compromises in pursuit of the truth." (Newspaper "Soviet Armavir")
"Prize winners! Urgently come near the pedestal for the awards. No one will be awarded without muzzles and not in uniform." "Comrades participants! Thoroughly wipe your muzzles from saliva for easier inspection of the dental system." (Announcements at the exhibition of service dogs)
"Plan for the liquidation of office employees in case of fire."
"Clean the duck... Using a knife, carefully separate the meat from the guests...". (Newspaper "Banner of Communism")
"The Palace of Culture "Metallurg" will hold on February 7 a Small Hall. University of Future Newlyweds. "About the essence and beauty of the relationships of future spouses." On February 8, the Large Hall. At 7:30 PM - "My Wife is a Liar" staged by the Udmurt Music Theater." (Advertising newspaper "Week of Udmurtia")
"A temporary dwelling is for rent. The yard is asphalted, there is plumbing, the owner is non-drinking, and other conveniences." (From the announcement)
"Due to departure, a cow with a cart M-62 is for sale."
"Wagon sheet for wagon shipment. Cargo name: New untreated sleeper, length 2.75 m."
"For poor control of the installation, the master of the electrode shop Mukhin N. will be reduced by 20% for the month of April." (From the order)
"A girl with beefy legs, please approach the counter." (Buffet attendant's remark)
"ANNOUNCEMENT. On May 8, the bath will be mutual (men's and women's)."
"There is no evidence of murder." The screen adaptation of the novel of the same name by R. Barch "The Man on the Hill." ("Viewer's Satellite")
"You are allowed to wash and steam in the bath with a ticket purchased at the box office for no more than one hour." (Announcement in the bath)
"Dear comrades passengers! Please do not litter, do not smoke, do not lie on the sofas, use automatic storage lockers." (Announcement over the station radio)
"Delivery of people to the exhibition-sale." (From the report to the waybill)
"For sale: a beehive and beekeeping inventory." (From the announcement)
"Feeders in the calf barn are located near the walls, and feed for the calves has to be given through the back." (From the speech)
"To the shop manager from Polunin EXPLANATORY I did not work from November 14 to 17, 1878, because I went with a friend to the village of Kremenky, we climbed into the cellar with brew and could not get out for four days."
"As a result of the year, seven people received natural payment for the offspring obtained and its preservation (four people received calves at 2 months of age and three calves at one month of age)." (From the audit act)
┌────────────────┐
│ Friendly Guys │
│ with Jam │
│ │
│ 0 r. 06 k. │ (Price tag in the store)
└────────────────┘
"He always has his tractor running: he doesn’t smoke or sit around, he checks if everything is in order." (Newspaper "Dawn of Communism")
"From October 12 to 17 of this year, shooting at schoolchildren will take place in the shooting range according to a sliding schedule." (Announcement)
"For sale: a stone house for firewood" (Announcement)
"...After all, people are like batteries. They should warm each other up." (From the radio broadcast)
"Eat and clean up yourself." (Announcement in the cafeteria)
"I went to work as a table. I will be at the kiosk in three hours." (Kiosk worker's announcement)
"The deputy director points out the poor organization regarding the timely organization of emergencies in the Housing and Utilities Department." (From the order)
Contents of the publication: Deja Vu #05
- Аперативчик - Max
Detailed instructions on managing the DEJA VU interface, highlighting different input methods and navigation commands. Explanation of the new and old interfaces for enhanced user experience. Discussion on additional features like frame scrolling and music management.
- Аперативчик - Max
Discussion on supporting machines with more than 128k memory, leading to separate shells for 128k and 256k systems. Testing was mainly done on Scorpion and Profi, with functionality on other models anticipated. Article includes guidance on unpacking source files and insights on using improved algorithms.
- Тема - M.M.A
This article explores the theory behind digitizing sound on ZX Spectrum, focusing on sampling and quantization processes. It provides practical insights into converting sound files using specific hardware and software. Additionally, it offers methods to enhance sound quality while working within the hardware limitations.
- Theme
The article discusses the Save Our Scene initiative aimed at uniting Spectrum users and developers to promote software distribution and enhance the scene's development.
- Charter of the Amazing Soft Making Association
Discussion of the founding charter of the Amazing Soft Making association, detailing its goals, membership criteria, and operational principles.
- Theory of Magazine Creation
The article provides a detailed guide for aspiring magazine creators, focusing on technical aspects such as interface design, memory management, text formatting, and music integration for ZX Spectrum publications.
- Solder Drop
The article provides a personal account of purchasing and using the General Sound device for ZX Spectrum, detailing installation and sound performance. It discusses the initial issues encountered and praises the enhanced audio experience in compatible games. The author encourages further software adaptation for the device and reflects on multimedia capabilities with simultaneous hardware use.
- Solder Drop
The article discusses the capabilities of Sound Forge 4.0c for professional audio processing on PCs, highlighting its extensive features such as sound editing, effects, and restoration tools.
- SOFTWARE
The article reviews the latest software developments for the ZX Spectrum from Samara, including updates to MAXSOFT SCREEN PACKER, File Commander, and new applications like S-Terminal.
- SOFTWARE - Card!nal
Review and walkthrough of the logical graphic adventure game 'Operation R.R.' with detailed level instructions. Discussion on game elements like music choice and graphic design. Mentions new coder MAX/CYBERAX/BINARY DIMENSION's involvement.
- SOFTWARE
Discussion on the current state and evolution of the demoscene, highlighting the rise of 4K intros and upcoming competitions like FUNTOP'98.
- CODING
Article discusses assembly language coding techniques for optimizing screen scrolling on ZX Spectrum, featuring example code and performance analysis.
- CODING - RLA
The article explores stack manipulation techniques during second type interrupts for graphical effects on ZX Spectrum. It discusses solutions for preserving data integrity when interrupts disrupt graphical operations. Practical examples are provided to handle stack issues efficiently.
- CODING
The article describes the MS-PACK packer and its DEPACKER, detailing usage scenarios and providing BASIC and assembly code examples for handling packed files. It emphasizes optimizing performance by allowing unpacking with interrupts enabled and separating the DEPACKER from packed files. Additionally, it includes insights on programming techniques for loading and executing BASIC files on ZX Spectrum.
- CODING
The article discusses various coding techniques for ZX Spectrum, focusing on sprite rendering, rotation algorithms, and optimization methods to enhance performance.
- ANOTHER WORLD
Discussion on the evolution of multimedia technologies and their impact on various fields, including education and entertainment. It covers advances in computer hardware and software that have facilitated the integration of audio, video, and text. The article reflects on past developments and speculates on the future of multimedia systems.
- ANOTHER WORLD
Comparison of PC and Amiga systems highlighting performance, software costs, and user experience with multimedia capabilities.
- Honor Roll
Interview with PROGRESS discusses their creative journey on ZX Spectrum and AMIGA, addressing challenges in demomaking and the current state of the scene.
- Honor Roll
The article details the activities and future projects of the Eternity Industry team, based in Kovrov, including successful releases and collaborations with other groups.
- Honor Roll
Discussion of the Artcomp'98 festival, focusing on its mail-in format and guidelines for various competitions, including demo, graphics, and music categories.
- Honor Roll
The article provides a glossary of terms used in the demo scene, explaining roles such as musician, coder, and graphician, as well as different types of demos and effects. It serves as a useful resource for understanding the terminology and dynamics of the community. This is a descriptive piece aimed at educating readers about the jargon of the demo scene.
- Honor Roll
The article discusses the issues with mouse support in various ZX Spectrum magazines and the frustrations of users when encountering compatibility problems. It critiques developers for not adhering to standards, leading to poor user experiences. The author expresses the importance of consistent improvements in software for the ZX Spectrum community.
- Honor Board
The article discusses the process of creating tricolor images for ZX Spectrum using Photoshop and a simplified approach. It outlines how to divide an image into RGB channels and convert them for use on the Spectrum. Additionally, it provides tips on how to manage the files for optimal results.
- Honor Roll
The article discusses the comparison and perspectives on various computer systems, particularly emphasizing the strengths of AMIGA over PC and advocating for appreciation of all machines.
- Seven and a Half
Article discusses the humorous absurdities and peculiarities of military training and academia, blending satire with real anecdotes and witty observations.
- Seven and a Half
The article provides a satirical manual on programming methodologies, mocking the rigidity of formal programming practices and advocating for a more creative approach to coding.
- Seven and a Half
Instructions on safe sex practices, including guidelines on eligibility, preparation, and actions during and after the sexual session, along with handling emergency situations.
- Seven and a Half
The article discusses a call for a talented artist in Krasnodar for a ZX Spectrum group, raises concerns about the unethical practices of Scorpion regarding software rights, and critiques a video review of E'97.
- Seven and a Half
The article 'Семь и 1/2' narrates a humorous picnic adventure involving the editorial team of Deja Vu, highlighting their camaraderie and mishaps while preparing a barbecue.
- Trial of the Pen
The article is a humorous take on the fictional adventures of Winnie the Pooh as he interacts with computers and friends, discussing the absurdities of technology and daily life.
- First Pen
The article discusses the new section in Deja Vu dedicated to fantasy and science fiction literature, featuring book reviews and reader participation in content creation.
- Advertisement
The article is an advertisement section from Deja Vu #05, promoting collaborations with designers and musicians for future issues, and offering various software and hardware for ZX Spectrum.
- News
The article announces the launch of a new magazine, AMIGA RULES, focused on the AMIGA computer, addressing the lack of quality Russian-language publications. It aims to provide information on programming, hardware, software, and gaming, while fostering a community among AMIGA enthusiasts. The magazine will include contributions from readers and regular updates on the AMIGA scene.
