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"S": What is virtual reality? Any schoolboy can answer this question. In our age of computers and computer games, when at every intersection you hear: RAM, ROM, processor; or something like: motherboard, intruder, cartoon, it becomes clear that computer slang is firmly entering our daily life. And this means that the time is not far off when virtual reality, as a result of the rampant computerization of the planet, will divide our world into two halves: the real and the virtual.
How will humanity solve the problems that arise after the stratification of the world? What prospects will open up for anyone who prefers the virtual world? And how will those who remain in the real world look at it? It is not so easy to find answers to these questions.
In the humorous story presented to you, "virtual" problems are solved clearly and unambiguously, but what will it really be like?..
So, we have the electronic magazine "PC-REVIEW" visiting us again.
(C) Sergey Simonovich, 1994
VIRTUAL THEATER
Prologue
~~~~~~~
- Gentlemen! I ask for your attention! Today we have a very important moment on the agenda.
- Excuse me, has anyone seen my glasses?
- Professor, why do you need glasses? It's dark here, isn't it?
- Without glasses, I feel like without, excuse me, pardon, pants. What if someone comes in?
- Alright, someone give him glasses and calm down finally.
I want to put on the agenda one important item that I learned about today from a magazine dedicated to computer games.
- Right, it's about time! I responsibly declare that if dominoes are not returned to our chamber, then I, along with my comrades, will not go for an injection tomorrow in orderly rows.
- And you, Secretary, should know that dominoes are not chocolate and should not be swallowed.
- I know it's not chocolate, but what to do when you were deprived of "empty-empty"? This is purely a gaming moment, and if you started talking about games, then I put the question of returning dominoes to the chamber. Do-mi-no! Do-mi-no! Puck, puck, do-mi-no! Puck....
- Ugh... Bitten, psycho, and yet said he wasn't violent.
- Gentlemen, please refrain from using such language. There are no psychos here, colleague. From now on, we are all virtual realists, that is, of course not all, but those who are with us for the long haul.
- What, what realists?
- Virtual!!! I read here that there is a thing called virtual reality. Abroad, everyone is just melting from it. You need to put special glasses on your ears, connect to the computer, insert a program into the drive for big money, and it's pure bliss, you forget your name.
- I won't forget, today I am Napoleon.
- Don't interrupt, Emperor, there are programs about you too.
- And about me, and about me? - cried the Secretary and the Leader from under the bed in the corner in unison.
- There are programs about everyone, but that's not the point. The main thing is that we are on the front line of world science and must realize and feel our responsibility to humanity. After all, what do we know about ourselves? That we are tired, exhausted, and that we need help? No, gentlemen, they need our help, not us. What do they know about virtual reality? Nothing. And for us, dear, it has long been close and understandable.
- No! I don't understand. Can someone just explain to me what this thing is?
- Let Professor explain it to you, Mr. Golubkov, he will do it better.
- Well, imagine, Lenya, that you woke up in the morning, but you don't want to get up and go to work at all.
- Okay, I can imagine that well.
- Well, now, without getting out of bed, you put on a helmet, take an automatic rifle in your hands, put RGD grenades in your pockets and...
- ... move to Warsaw 26?
- No..., don't interrupt. Well, let's do it differently, forget the helmet. You put a panama hat on your ears and an idiotic smile on your face. With the bare toe of your right foot, you press the button on your computer and... step out onto the streets of an unfamiliar city.
And there, all around, are our people. Our people on the tram, our people on the beach, everyone is singing and dancing under the palm trees. Beautiful music is flowing, cars are rustling, and then Vanya pops out of a manhole and shouts: "Hey, Lenya, look, there's a steering wheel!!!". You look, and sure enough... there's a steering wheel. That's what virtual reality is like.
- It's all nonsense!
- Exactly, Lenya! Of course, it's nonsense, and everyone knows it, but they pretend that it should be that way. That's the essence of virtual reality. Then you walk around, drinking vodka and beer in roadside eateries, you like everything, and "their" people like something incomprehensible about you too.
And when you get bored, you press a button, and you're back home, in your own little bed. And the next day, you go back there again. Vanya asks where you disappeared to yesterday, and you know that you were at home, sleeping in bed, but you can't explain it because you were in virtual reality for him, and he, accordingly, was in his own. Well, how, is it clear now???
- No...
- Alright, I will explain for those who understood. If you get hit by a car in that reality, everything should be natural: the screech of brakes, the stench of burning rubber, shattered glass, and your nose on the hood. Well?
- Now I think I understand. My neighbor, Sidorov, when he falls asleep, starts screaming that a tractor is running him over. And it's been like that for ten years. So, he is also from virtual reality?
- Well, yes, we are all virtual realists here.
- Wait, Professor, let's not jump ahead and indiscriminately throw a blanket over the masses. We need an individual approach. We have understood the problem, now we need to formalize the organizational questions. I propose to create a public organization called O.V.I.R - Society of Virtual Realists. The headquarters can be registered at the Leader's wigwam. Let's adopt the Charter and the Program.
I propose to accept only conscious O.V.I.R members based on two recommendations, and to include a requirement for a change of diagnosis in the Party Program...
- And the return of dominoes...
- Alright, Secretary, let's discuss it. Who wants to speak?
- Can I?
- You, citizen Lenya, need to be accepted into O.V.I.R without discussion and recommendations. In our eyes, you will always be an honorary member of the party. I also propose to consider all other shareholders of A/O MMM as virtual realists by default and petition for a change of diagnosis in the eyes of the public.
- That's good, that's right, the people will understand this.
- And what about you, Secretary, what is your opinion?
- I, in general, have an opinion on this matter and consider it necessary to start and deepen, so I ask to record in the protocol that it needs to be conducted.
- It's dark...
- Who has candles? Napoleon, do you have candles?
- Only novocaine ones.
- Alright, those will do. Insert them for the Secretary and let him continue.
- We need to understand the essence of the problem itself, and it seems to me that it is clear and understandable. This autumn delights us, but it also saddens us greatly. We need to overcome objective reality in our consciousness and understand that all problems arise because we have some kind of CIS. After all, what do we have? Yields have fallen, the cuts are not what they used to be, Ukraine and Belarus have separated, and they took away dominoes.
- I propose to consider the Secretary a virtual realist with experience, issue him a party ticket, and credit his time spent in our walls as candidacy. Who is for?
- So, it is accepted unanimously. Record it in the protocol.
- But it's so dark!
- Napoleon, another candle! And let's continue. Who's next? Alright, now you, Ivan. What do you have to present?
- I don't remember. They say I was hot-headed, but I don't believe it. There was no fever, brother Lenya will confirm. There were little devils, but not white ones, but green ones. They were teasing me, and while I was catching them, I broke furniture and mirrors worth five million. But what does that have to do with me if they have no order over there? We need to call the sanitary and epidemiological station to disinfect everything. Because first they crawl around who knows where, and then they run around with dirty feet on the plates, making faces and saying bad words.
- Yes, Vanya, it's a tangled affair. On one hand, we have been together for quite some time, and you seem to be our fully-fledged virtual realist. You have a brother Lenya, a deserving and honorary O.V.I.R member, but on the other hand, what kind of virtuality is this? What does the computer magazine say? That everything should be as in nature, and it's impossible to distinguish what's here and what's there. And you have ordinary little devils! Well, they're green, so what? What’s virtual about that? Virtual is when it seems to exist and at the same time seems not to exist. And little devils, who hasn't seen them? I've caught so many myself.
- Me too, me too... and me!
- So, Vanya, the Professor hastily enrolled us all in O.V.I.R without an interview. We'll have to deal with you separately. Do you have any mitigating circumstances?
- Yes! There are two circumstances! I was just informed. Four stars, Moldovan vintage, excellent circumstances.
- There are too many people, not enough for everyone.
- And we won't give any to the Secretary and Lenya-the-scoundrel, they are already virtualizing, it's useless for them, but for us, it will be right in the color.
Circumstance 1.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Quack! Well, gentlemen, let's continue our meeting. Ivan, stop crying, what's the matter?
- Oh, if only my buddies could see me. I worked honestly all my life, now I sit and get sick, while Lenya-the-scoundrel was accepted into O.V.I.R without exams. Why is there such injustice?
- A decision on your case has not yet been made until all circumstances are examined, and I propose we consider other candidates.
- I propose to also include Napoleon as an honorary member of O.V.I.R, since they are writing computer programs about him. And to petition for a change of diagnosis.
- No!!!!
- What's the matter, Napoleon?
- Don't ruin me, friends. What have I done wrong to you? I can't change my diagnosis. I paid such money for my manic-depressive syndrome, gave away such a car, such an apartment, that I absolutely cannot change my diagnosis until the prosecutor closes the case. If you want, I will be a virtual realist, if you want, a real virtualist, I will hire programmers, and they will write virtual programs about you too, just don't change my diagnosis.
- So you are against the Party Program?
- No, I'm for it, that is, not quite.
- This is a complex case, and it cannot be left unattended. It is unacceptable for our ranks to have a person who does not share the fundamental documents. What example does that set for the younger generation?! Right now, 16-bit, 32-bit, and even 64-bit video game consoles are rapidly developing, and any day now, hordes of untrained youth, who have gone crazy over these idiots, should start arriving, and we are demonstrating a lack of unity in our Central Committee? I propose to review the personal file of citizen Napoleon.
- We still have not considered all circumstances.
- And I propose to expel Napoleon because there is only one circumstance left, and there won't be enough for everyone.
- Let's vote. So, it is accepted unanimously. Record it in the protocol.
- But it's so dark!
- Another candle for the Secretary.
Circumstance 2.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- R-yyy-yyy-yyy-ick. Well, good! I propose to recognize Vanya's circumstances as mitigating. Accepted unanimously. What do you say, Secretary? No quorum? How can there be none, where did it go? Oh, the Leader disconnected? Well, wake him up and don't give this Chingachgook any more Fire Water.
- I-I-I-a-a-ask for the floor.
- Go ahead, Professor, speak. Report to the people about your place in virtual reality.
- Colleagues! Tell me honestly, do you respect me?
- We respect you, we respect you, just get to the point.
- I'm ashamed, but I must confess that I am unworthy to be in the same ranks as you. I am not a virtual realist at all, but the most ordinary - a technical one.
- Oh, and we thought you were a dissident.
- I used to think so too when I invented the perpetual motion machine and the KGB was watching me with dogs. I used to walk home barefoot from work so they wouldn't pick up my trail, but they are tricky over there; they recruited my employees, and those cursed Masons set up a file on me and sent it here. I wrote a statement to the UN that my human rights were violated, that I was deprived of freedom of speech, and generally executed without trial or investigation to hide my discovery from the world community, but the doctor filed it in my medical history and said that it was quite enough for his diagnosis.
- So why did you write it if you weren't executed?
- Oh, young man, young man. Well, that's so simple. How would I write it after they executed me? No, I outsmarted them all; I wrote it in advance. Now, as I look back on my life, I realize that I am not suited for anything so virtual. I even always take a ticket when I ride on the trolleybus. Maybe you won't abandon me and, as an exception, accept me as a candidate at least for the time being?
- Professor, do you have any mitigating circumstances?
- They ran out...
- Listen, - exclaimed the Secretary. - But it's all so simple. The Professor is certainly not a virtual realist, but he is virtual reality itself.
- How, how?
- It's simple, Lenya!!! Since there is a statement from him that he was executed, it means he is as if not here. And this, by the way, is a legal document. And since he is sitting here with us under the bed, it means he is as if here. Whether he is here or not - it's unclear. That's the kind of virtual theater, like in a computer program.
- And who pressed the button?
- What button?
- Well, the one you press with the bare toe of your right foot when you have an automatic rifle in your hands, and you don't want to go to work.
- Professor, who pressed the button for you, explain to the comrades.
- I don't know, it seems no one pressed.
- And then where did the professor's virtual reality come from? Maybe it's not he who is in virtual reality, but just the opposite, we are, and he is not here? That is, not quite, he is here, but we are not. So when I wasn't here yesterday, where were you, Professor?
- I went for an enema.
- And where was I?
- You were turning the steering wheel in the TV with Vanya.
- No, Lenya, I was dancing with Simply Maria yesterday - Vanya objected.
- Stop! Stop! Stop! This won't do, let's sort this out in order. If the Professor was at an enema, Lenya was turning the steering wheel, and Vanya was dancing with Maria, then who pressed the button and where did he hide the helmet and the automatic rifle?...
Instead of an epilogue
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To the Chairman of the Committee on Press from the Minister of Health
MEMORANDUM
Dear Mr. Chairman. I draw your attention to the sharp deterioration in the health of patients in the institutions entrusted to me. An official investigation conducted by ministry staff has established that the aforementioned UHZ occurred as a result of uncontrolled reading of periodicals on computer topics.
I ask you to urgently take measures to prevent the publication in the open press of information regarding virtual reality in computer games, and to sell other literature related to computing strictly in specially designated places, away from public places, upon presentation of the reader's registration certificate.
With deep respect,
Minister of Health.
Visa of the Minister of Finance: I consider it advisable to establish a licensing fee for obtaining a certificate in the amount of 20 to 200 minimum wages, and to assign the collection of funds to the Ministry of Internal Affairs.
Visa of the Minister of Internal Affairs: This is good, we need the money.
Contents of the publication: Spectrofon #07
- Экспертиза
In-depth analysis of the game "BATTLE COMMAND" (128K) for ZX Spectrum, focusing on its unique gameplay and mission objectives. The article discusses the advantages of playing on a 128K machine and offers strategies for weapon selection and mission success. Includes detailed mission descriptions and practical gameplay advice.
- Дебют - Matthias
Description of the debut for the game 'The Sentinel' by FIREBIRD, blending a novella, a sci-fi story, and game instructions.
- Экзамен
The article presents a challenge related to 'THE SENTINEL' game, asking readers for the eight-digit password of the sixtieth landscape. The successful participant will receive a fresh issue of the magazine. Readers are encouraged to send their answers to the provided address.
- Обзор
Call to programmers to submit their software for publication in Spectrofon. Offers guidelines on submission, publication, and payment details. Focus on original programs, modifications, translations, and disk versions.
- С миру по биту
Discussion of is-DOS system issues, user experiences, and developer policies.
- Тайник - Эльдар Агаев
Guide on hidden cheats in ZX Spectrum games, sharing immortality and level skipping codes.
- Горячий привет - Сергей Симонович
Humorous story explores the impact of virtual reality on society, contrasting real and virtual worlds through whimsical scenarios. Characters grapple with the concept and implications of virtual realism, leading to comedic misunderstandings. A fictional committee humorously debates the societal effects of virtual environments.
- Реклама
Advertisement section listing places to buy 'Spectrofon' magazine and collaboration invitations for developers and artists.
